yet another boring episode of my office boredom. all these free time and space set me to think about a lot of things, most of which concerns someone whom i really care about and the others, my current state and future well-being.

more often than not, i find myself driven by compulsion instead of will. i do not get the choices i want and sometimes even, i do not get the chance to choose, to make a decision. especially when it comes to things which you hold on to dearly, you would want that opportunity and the power of choice. i look at myself now, and i find myself more miserable than before. much more empty, and needless to say, lonely. i was used to it then, because there was no hope and no opportunity. i gave up then. but later, she walked into my life. Showed me every hope and opportunity, she brought light, hope, love and bliss to my grey days. it was the happiest time of my life, and she left. didn't exactly walked out of my life, but walked into another sanctuary of it.

Burial
i wasn't given the opportunity to prove, more like we weren't given the opportunity. we weren't given a chance and needless to say a choice. a selfish decision was made, and no one was taken into consideration except for oneself. human as i am, selfish as everyone is, i want and need the opportunity, chance and that option to choose. unfortunately, we weren't all brought up this way to be given that privilege and so i've become a victim of misfortune - deprived of choice and opportunity. i feel sorry for ourselves. given the freedom and rights in our country and family, you confine yourself to breathe in your own oxygen tank; not willing to share even though you know you can save someone while sacrificing a little bit of it. even though u know it'll be a sufferring for the victim, you consoled him that it's only for the moment and your 'afterlife' will be better for you. well, i would rather be 'alive' than living the 'afterlife'.you chose death for me, though i fought so hard like animals trying to gasp every breathe of air, struggling before death for survival. i finally gave up breathing when you begged for my death and threaten to hate me; you know i'll never want you to hate me.