just when i thought i'm so sure of myself, of what i want to achieve, i realised that i was confused.

it'll be ORD for me in less than 4 months, i've been waiting for this day since i enlisted. i was so sure of what i want - doing a degree with LaSalle SIA in Music Technology and upon graduation, venture my career in the music industry. and, i know that it'll never be easy. just like what my dad always tell me about music in the local scene, ' if you wanna do english music locally, you'll die cock-standing.' which means you will have a hard time surviving. but i always gave myself so much assurance and reassurance that something's gonna work out somehow if i follow my heart.
i believe in that, until now.

im starting to wonder if my interest lies in Music Technology. i do not really like the idea of being restrained by the stage's curtains, or being outside the soundproof acoustics of a recording studio, or sometimes off-the stage in the middle of a crowd amongst the knobs, L.E.D lights, mixing consoles and/or colorless monitors.

i want to belong to the stage. i want to unleash myself and spread my music to the world. i want to be under the dazzling spotlights of an arena, the sounds of my instrument roaring melodiously at every amplifiers in the hall, and the thunderous applause from the audiences for my great performance.

these are dreams, i'll probably end up being a music teacher. ( i so do not want this to happen.)

my pessimism and fear are the only restrains. i'm like a __________, i need much more assurance from (many) someone else other than myself.