Worms On Concrete

RE:

2008-09-07T11:36:00.000-07:00

becoming who you are and what you want to be; not what the world want you to be and who you are supposed to be.

cotton candies

2008-09-01T05:21:00.001-07:00

sweet. i love it when she's sweet, when she gives her thanks, when she hugs/ kisses me and said that she just felt like it when i ask why. i love it when she asks me to hug her and not let go, i also love it when she tells me that she doesn't want me to go. i love it when she says that im the best. i love it when she gives thanks to the things i've done for her. im insecure, and i need to know that she is appreciating everything that i do for her.

but sometimes, i feel incorrigibly upset when she just say things like oh, i wanna find other guys, you're so boring, i wanna date other guys, i'm not gonna meet/talk to this guy, the next thing the guy asks her to meet when i'm not free to meet her, she meets him. or other times like, oh my friend asks me to go clubbing, and i'm gonna go to find other guys, yay. even though she doesn't mean it, i'm still really affected by it.

i, in, ins, inse, insec, insecu, insecur, insecure. insecuri, insecurit, insecurity.

damn, i just whined like a bitch, didn't i?

strikes back

2008-08-26T11:18:00.000-07:00

its true when they say the past will always haunt you. sometimes, u really want to turn to it and say 'FUCK OFF, WOULD YOU?! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!'

I can never understand why you are still picking up his calls. i can never understand why u would still want to speak with one of such low life-form. i can never understand why you would even consider calling him back, i can never understand why you'd want to say things like if i want to, there's nothing you can do wat, to me - such words, that weighs nothing but stabs a million times more painful than a dagger. i can never understand why would you even give what if's that u'd just call and don't tell me, and i'd not know anything and i wouldn't know.

if it isn't obvious, IT IS A SON OF A BITCH. if it isn't obvious, IT IS NOT WORTH IT. entity with such low values actually don't even deserve a noun to be represented.

if you'd just get yourself away from it,
if you'd just leave it all behind,
if you'd just erase its presence,
it'll all be fine.

and i thought i was strong, when i smiled but all i did was take that fear, multiply it by a thousand times and kept it. the feign smile is my only cover-up for my insecurity because i know its capabilities.

like how i trust god, but just don't trust jesus.
i trust you, but just not the guy friends you have around you especially IT.

listening

2008-08-25T11:05:00.000-07:00

i like the silence at night, it always seems that u're the only one that matters.

sometimes, i really wish and pray that u rid that idea. other times, i pretended that it didn't bother me or just filter it out of what i'm hearing. i'm not very good at filtering, so usually i get most of it. it may be rude, but it makes me feel better.

she is so convinced that she is the one,
the one that was chosen by god as messiah.

my voices echo off these walls

2008-08-15T20:24:00.000-07:00

somethings are better left unsaid
some people just can't keep silence

lesser things said = lesser explanation = lesser misunderstandings = lesser quarrels = lesser unhappiness

her words echoed through my head, '... i feel like an idiot, not knowing anything. i'm not going to care about how other people feel because they don't about me. what's the point?' and, i finally saw the despair, disappointment and hurt behind her feign smile. my rant to her must've stabbed her a fucking thousand times. what've i become, am i still the man i used to be? maybe you changed me, how conveniently i shift the blame unto you - i've never blame others for my own plight.

her voice of helplessness and agony echoed through my head once again as i typed this very sentence. i felt her past mistakes, but she'll never understand MY pain. the greater fool that forgave the infidelity acts - ME.

take a minute and listen to my heart, can you hear my grief?
take a minute and listen to your heart, can you appease your rage.
take a minute to listen to them side by side, can you tell which is heavier?

i tried to kill it all, but i remembered everything.

the wretched.

obsession

2008-08-02T01:15:00.000-07:00

addiction, the pain is all overwhelming
dependance, the lies are all overrated.

they fell from grace,
nobody pushed them, nobody force them.
they fell from grace,
only through their own hands.

mutilation is an instant gratification,
of what was not, and what is will be then.

they fell from grace,
through their hands.
as they forsake themselves, before the world forsakes them.
they fell from grace,
no repentance, remorse.
blessed excruciation for a sweet revenge.

cleanse the world!

salvation, is here now.
leave all the damned behind you.
salvation, is here now.
the redeemer will save us now.

revelation, upon them now.
the saints dont always sedate their hate.
revelation, the end of days
now, no one can stop us (saints) now.

2008-07-28T09:18:00.000-07:00

the sky is the mirror for our souls,
we bask ourselves in our own reflections,
stripped of our masks and shells.

embodied dresses, and glitters in the eyes
sugar-coated the ugly;
leaving behind only the stench of betrayal.

we're the limelight of the time,
praised and honored.

the glass is never full enough, and they continue to seek their dreams and fantasies.
never enough, is the pain and pleasure.

ditto.

gig day

2008-07-05T13:11:00.000-07:00

6th july, 1st gig out in the open at the heart of the city. nothing beats having someone special watching u performing ur heart out out there in the crowd of passer-bys who couldn't care less about what the hell u're playing. the aftermath and the impact that ur music created and made on them and maybe even change their lives. one of the happiest moments is to have someone hugging u and kissing u on the lips, saying that u rocked.

that is bliss.

crumble

2008-06-18T19:17:00.000-07:00

thursday morning, and all i see is the debris of hope and the remains of a destiny. recognizing some of the half-fucked rubble, i reminisce about my broken faith and heart. the pain was excruciating and i could even feel my heart lacerate. but at the very least, i know im human. as i walk through the scattered fragments lying right beneath my eyes, i felt a sense of acquaintance and the realization of what had become. something caught my eyes as i scanned through the rubble, a photograph of a recent moment. the colors are faded however, and on the back-side of it were some smudged writing from a marker pen. i could hardly make out what is written. i squinted my eyes to focus and vaguely figured out the writings -
"like the colors your faded photos, our love is lost.
... (some scribbling)
and i'm never gonna say goodbye,
like how you never ever gonna tell me why,
why did u go"

people did not leave you, you left yourself a long time ago.

jaderaeasdfsasdfsasdfiasdflasdfyasdfn

2008-06-10T08:00:00.000-07:00

im seeking answers on my own, wandering close to the edge of loneliness. like the fool of the tarot, i set out in search of what i desired not too long ago, oblivious to the dangers. i found nothing but bliss, and i see forever in us. it may seems that we may be world's apart, but i only find myself so attracted to her.

she is a sweet girl, and nice and adorable in every single way.

you have my heart, at least for the most time
we may fell apart, but let's make a new start.

Flawed Element @ G.R.I.N

2008-05-25T01:19:00.000-07:00

For those who missed the gig yesterday, check out for our performances video:

Flawed Element - Without you

'the pain inside me is not changing'

Flawed Element - Worms on Concrete

"take these thoughts inside, back to where i cried."

Flawed Element - Wall of lies

"i just wanna get out, get out!"

enjoy.

when the heart guides the hand

2008-05-10T10:17:00.000-07:00

"Don't break, don't break my heart
and I won't break your heart-shaped glasses
Little girl, little girl
you should close your eyes
That blue is getting me high" -MM

lost emotions emerged,
hidden underneath the skin and bones.
this probably will be the story of my year
let it be the never-ending story,
let it be

Growl.

2008-05-07T22:27:00.000-07:00

"passion in my eyes, but how could you got throw it all away?
In my dreams it's me and you, it's there I saw it all come true" -a7x

wednesday is a bitch.

times like these

2008-04-28T08:51:00.000-07:00

it's times like these we learn to love again.

guess what, school's out and our summer break has officially started. Couple of things that are lined up for Summer, not really a couple, just one actually. Recording sessions with Flawed Element in May and June.

I thought i wanted a break, but then again, school term is actually already a long break - summer vacation is just another good excuse which i give myself to get away from things a little. Recording sessions starts next week, practise with the band tomorrow, piano class on wednesday, practise and jam session with flawed element on thursday, fri - saturday looks pretty clean for the moment. lets just hope i didnt forget anything.

excerpt from photos of love, anintended song for fragments
"like the colors of your faded photo
our love is lost
but the memoirs of your presence
is held firm within my heart."

fragments

2008-04-24T16:24:00.000-07:00

7:24am, friday morning. i was never up at this hour. now, it's not that i woke up really early, i just haven't sleep. having to rush scoring a short film is really bad. in the sense that it's bad for the music. im quite stucked for most hours of the session, trying to get something out of my head.

just so you know

2008-04-13T12:00:00.000-07:00

lol.

indefinitely amusing.

and we all know that summer is just not too far away.

i-fool.

2008-04-05T10:25:00.000-07:00

it's unbelievable how the best times of April, turned into the worst with a message and its preceding replies.

i killed a day of a girl which i never knew would mean so much to me.
my apologies flow in spiral around a question that will only answer itself.
stuck in the abyss of countless trials
i sent myself to the execution ground, only to find i have to execute myself.

hair grows longer, humans grow older

2008-04-04T12:35:00.000-07:00

April - I had such a wonderful prologue to it. However, I was saddened with the sudden loss of my close friend's, joe, dad. Im sure u can find the strength to overcome this difficult time.
/

jump for the stars, as
echoes of my memories fade
strength we have to find,
so we can live another day
i take a step closer
looking through the pinhole which peeks into
your life and i found what i dreamt last
night - meadows with rainbows and butterflies, laughters and all that a man could ever dream of.

Call

2008-03-06T10:25:00.000-08:00

Thursday, I cancelled my teaching classes so that I could work on the film's soundtrack and finished my commercial scoring assignment but I ended up in school, attending a workshop on circuit bending by this interesting japanese guy. He's like one of those typical japanese dude that the whites described - short, yellow, small eyes with spectacles. Anyway, he's one cool dude which has pretty interesting perspectives on sound design. I don't really dig circuit bending kind of sound design though. I'm more into like oscillators, additive, wavetable kind of sound synthesis.

A surprise call from Aus took me straight out of class, only to realise that I have to return the call. I won't know if you'll be reading this, if you do, i wanna tell you that ur call made my day la. Haha, just so you'll feel slightly home when u read the sentence with the 'la' in it. =D I hope i dont need to call you, because my parents are paying my phone bills, dont want them bugging me with whats with all the overseas call and such.

I seriously need to make some progress in my commercial assignment, i realised i've just been opening up the .ptf file and play it over and over. IDEAS, i need them.

Oh, and i dont mean it when i say i dont want to call you. I'd love to and try to call you when you're awake. Like now, when I feel like calling you, u'd probably be asleep already, getting ready to wake up. I just dont want to spoil those moments, i hate it myself when someone does.

And it is at these times when time flies is an awesome thing. Can't wait for term break, can't wait for you to come back, can't wait to fly over.

it's like history class

2008-02-20T09:12:00.000-08:00

have it ever occur to you that you wake up to the feeling of regret ? I woke up today not feeling such, but i believe i'll fall asleep with it.

have it ever occur to you that you just felt like hugging someone so hard that he/she will know that u're never going to let go? I went out feeling confident, but i return home hoping i could.

have it ever occur to you that you give up believing in true love? I do, but i just realised that it is not that it does not exist, it is that it hasn't found you.

have it ever also occur to you that you wake up thinking you're somebody else, and fall asleep as the same person you were the day before?

If only she believed.
If only I try.
And,
if only things have eternal life.

rise of the new era

2008-02-17T07:49:00.000-08:00

the lunar new year is just over. as a chinese, i guess this marks the beginning of the year. not like i haven't talked about how great 2008 will be, but here're just some gist of things that we can expect from 2008.

the start with flawed element has been awesome. we've just finished recording our single, which will be released on March Issue of Lime Magazine. The song is titled, 'Worms on Concrete' and it is available for listen at http://www.myspace.com/flawedelement . In a while's time, it'll be made available for download at our myspace. Recording sessions of the remaining songs to our EP have been scheduled. We'll hit the studio during May and hopefully, releasing it during Summer 08. The speculated name of the EP is Breaking Entry, but there is still no confirmation. Do check out our myspace for more details.

For friends and viewers who love our music and would like us to play at you parties or celebrations, please feel free to either contact myself at j.precursor@gmail.com or Joe, frontman/leader, at flawedelement@yahoo.com . For more details about the band, please visit our myspace at myspace.com/flawedelement.

Up to this point, i'd like to thank all the friends for supporting our music.

Cheers,
Jon
Flawed Element

mark your calendars

2008-01-10T05:19:00.000-08:00

hey guys, do mark your calendars on the 19th Jan 08. it'll be my debut with flawed element and it's flawed element's first gig after a hiatus of close to 1 and a half years. Show us your support by coming down to Deafcon 9 @ DXO and add us in myspace @ http://www.myspace.com/flawedelelement . Hope to see you there at the gig.

Cheers,
Jon
Flawed Element
Keyboards/ Samples

end of yesterday, start of tomorrow

2008-01-01T10:48:00.000-08:00

i want to wish everyone a happy fucking new year! 07 was pretty good, and i hope 08 will be a better one.

here's a list of 7 things which i'll remember of 07:
1. ORD from National Service
2. My 1st Tattoo
3. LaSalle Education
4. I'm 21
5. Tried "Oreos"
6. OD-ed at a friend's place
7. Joined Flawed Element
still single

now, this is a list of 8 things i want to accomplish in 08:
1. Do big shows with Flawed Element
2. Beef up a little
3. Start doing shows with my dance band (check out http://myspace.com/jprecursor)
4. Travel Europe
5. Be more discipline in practice
6. Spend lesser money on Cigarettes
7. Have my dance music being played in clubs (check out http://myspace.com/jprecursor)
8. Spend the last day of 08 with someone.

Apparently, my friend informed me that my 'gender' shown in my myspace is female. It's a band profile, and I do not know how to change it to male. So, if anyone has a clue, let me know. thanks.

and yes, we're a year closer to our death and the world is a year closer to its end.

Cheers,
Jon

train of thoughts

2007-06-14T12:25:00.000-07:00

some people live each day, hoping to get pass it, grow old and live happily ever after with someone you love; while, some people live each day, doing little things, which arent influential to the society, hoping that one day, they can finally change the world.

some people wake up everyday to the morning sun, going to their mundane job, and spend their paychecks on bills, and lush living; while some people wake up everyday to dawn, hoping that tonight she would call and tell you how much she love you.

some people dream about erotic fantasies with their girlfriends, waking up to know that all of that is just a dream; while some people dream about a whole new utopia where one is king, living to that delusion - waking up only to find that he is alone.

some people cry because of leaving people, changes in events, unemployment and poverty; while some people cry because they do not get enough love from their love ones and the change of seasons.

some people blog because it's cool, everyone else is doing it, they want to practise writing, tell people about their views and days; while some people blog because they feel that it is the little things that dont matter the society but eventually they can finally change the world.

and in the end, we all know that everything we did is not going to change the world.

lasalle 07

2007-04-08T11:18:00.000-07:00

i'd received the letter from lasalle, im offered a place in Level 1 for the Music Technology degree course. thank god i didn't have to do foundation. so it's 3 years to a degree. hmmm, seems pretty fine for me. i think i'd been there before, times where im lost musically but i always manage to get back. im at it again, there're so many genres i wish i could do. some were just rockstar dreams while others, i couldn't even imagine. but i've been listening to NIN, AIR, Bee and Flower, Modwheelmood, Skinny Puppy and all that. if you realise the common characteristics of the bands mentioned, they're somewhat electronica. I like the piano sounds of Bee And Flower, the industrial sounds of Skinny Puppy & NIN and the organic warm analogue synth sounds and lush strings of AIR. Not to mention, the occasional haunting vocals in AIR and Bee and Flower, also the powerful voice of trent reznor and that mechanical voice of Skinny Puppy's cEvin. Hopefully i'd be able to conceive something soon to reassure myself. you have no idea how much i want to go to school. i havent, for a long time.

school life is a woken dream.

the pursuit of happyness

2007-03-13T09:55:00.000-07:00

it's been a long while since i wrote. 'the pursuit of happyness' is rather a inspiration film and a-pat-on-the-back for those who have been working hard and have yet to enjoy their fruits of labor. it's an encouraging film and it showed how tough it is to survive in the society.

i had been bumming around these days, doing nothing with my life. (i'd been trying to convince myself that i'm doing something out of this time i have, but apparently i have not.) i ought to be thinking about what i have to spend/survive with after my $xxx.00 in my account is used, i ought to be thinking about how i'd live through the weeks before my school starts, and even after. i guess things have changed now, i'll be 21 this year. i guess this is adulthood - earning your own living expenses, worrying about tomorrow's dinner, and the day after's.

i wish i never grew up.

Joy To The World, A New Year Has Come

2007-01-01T00:06:00.000-08:00

To all my beloved brothers,

2006 had yet been another tough year for many of us. For a handful, the sweetness came only during Dec 06. For some, short-lived happiness were found. While hearts had been broken, new attachments are formed. Through all the struggles, we managed to welcome the new year once again as a brotherhood, just like previous years. I thank everyone for the friendship, support and concern. Even though I may not speak much about my personal issues, i'm sure that when i'm ready to share those issues, all my brothers will be there to give me the emotional support. Though this year's countdown might not be the best, but like Brother Razif said, '... it's the company that counts.' Thats a definite. I'm glad that even with our busy schedules, personal commitments and stuff, everyone is willing to put in the effort to come together to celebrate.

2006 had quite been a lonely year for me. I hope it was not the rest of you. My disappearance begins during early June and I only return during early Sep. I'm glad that my brothers did not forsake me when I 'forsake' them. Everyone was there, to welcome back an 'old' brother who'd gone away for a while. All were so concerned about what happened to me for the past three months, I'm really thankful.

Once again, I wish all my beloved brothers a very Happy New Year and Selamat Hari Raya. Wishing all good health and great success in all endeavours!

May peace be with everyone.

John 5

2006-12-25T02:46:00.000-08:00

One my of heroes - John 5

Enjoy

Merry Christmas!

2006-12-24T23:48:00.000-08:00

I'm so tempted to say 'Merry Chrismukkah!', but guess not cos i'm neither jew nor exactly christian. So, Merry Chirstmas to all! Oh yeah, for those who dont know what chrismukah is, it's actually a term came up by Seth in The O.C. According to Seth, it is the modern-day merging of the holidays of Christianity's Christmas and Judaism's Hanukkah as celebrated in interfaith households where one parent may be of Christian heritage and another parent of Jewish heritage. The irony, i was watching Borat: The Movie the other day and was laughing my ass off about his comments and intentions on the jews. It'll be home for me on Christmas Day, I've got work tomorrow. Well, next week will be the countdown celebration to 2007. Hopefully, i can countdown to 07 with someone new. oh well.
Sometimes, it really scares me how time passes. I barely did anything this year. I'd better work on my 07 new year's resolutions. Oh and please, don't persuade any smokers to include quitting smoking in it. It'll just waste a slot, trust me.

Merry Chrismukkah and Happy Holidays!

P/S: I love the O.C.

Wednesdays

2006-11-22T08:23:00.000-08:00

just when i thought i'm so sure of myself, of what i want to achieve, i realised that i was confused.

it'll be ORD for me in less than 4 months, i've been waiting for this day since i enlisted. i was so sure of what i want - doing a degree with LaSalle SIA in Music Technology and upon graduation, venture my career in the music industry. and, i know that it'll never be easy. just like what my dad always tell me about music in the local scene, ' if you wanna do english music locally, you'll die cock-standing.' which means you will have a hard time surviving. but i always gave myself so much assurance and reassurance that something's gonna work out somehow if i follow my heart.
i believe in that, until now.

im starting to wonder if my interest lies in Music Technology. i do not really like the idea of being restrained by the stage's curtains, or being outside the soundproof acoustics of a recording studio, or sometimes off-the stage in the middle of a crowd amongst the knobs, L.E.D lights, mixing consoles and/or colorless monitors.

i want to belong to the stage. i want to unleash myself and spread my music to the world. i want to be under the dazzling spotlights of an arena, the sounds of my instrument roaring melodiously at every amplifiers in the hall, and the thunderous applause from the audiences for my great performance.

these are dreams, i'll probably end up being a music teacher. ( i so do not want this to happen.)

my pessimism and fear are the only restrains. i'm like a __________, i need much more assurance from (many) someone else other than myself.

Was that Time Warp?

2006-11-05T05:44:00.000-08:00

I have not been writing lately. not exactly because im busy, but more of am too lazy to do so. and i thought, a sunday-entry would do good. =)

i was at sean's 'costume' party last night. it consist of a great bunch of guys, a couple of girls and a bungalow chalet at changi. not forgetting booze, smokes, not-so-impressive food, ocassionally good music and 5 dressed-up guys. It was barely fun, and i tried hard to keep myself occupied. The only thing about the party which i can remember now is that, there are only 4 girls. To which, I only spoke to like 2 of them for less than minute. Well, that point apart, I bet Sean was really disappointed that no one dressed up except the AM2C dudes and himself - that includes me.

It's back to work on monday and i barely enjoy the weekend. It was a quiet sunday, I sat down and started wondering if i'll be remembered when i die.

October 22

2006-10-21T10:43:00.000-07:00

saturday night, town was crowded as ever. i bumped into my 1 month plus-old ex girlfriend with another guy. how great? go figure. it didn't take me long before i fell back into the deep abyss of my past which i'm still struggling hard to get out of.

i met up with one of my closest mate, D-- today and i heard about his current torrent. i shared mine and i thought we were pathetic - being unable to move on. probably because we are artists, we tend to be more sensitive and emotional when it comes to love. we both agreed that we love our partners more than ourselves. we may be very possessive individuals, sore losers who can't get over our lost or just man who is deprived of love, and was living in solitude for a long time. i quite disagree with his suicidal tendencies though, i sometimes frequent that thought.

sometimes, i do not understand why i can be forgotten so easily! is it the way i behave that i do not leave an impression on you, that lack of sincerity which i made you feel? or is it my dogged and over-confidence devotion which scares you? the immeasurable concern i often give? or... better than not, tell me.

---

irony to the former - she texted me to check if i was safe home on friday night, after i sent her back. i felt very much appreciated. she somewhat makes me look forward to the following day and sometimes, i find myself missing her. R--, thank you.

August 21

2006-10-20T11:42:00.000-07:00

"In vain do i stretch my arms toward her when i awaken in the morning from my weary slumbers. In vain do i seek for her at night in my bed, when some innocent dream was happily deceived me, and placed her near me in the fields, when i seized her hand and covered it with countless kisses. And when i feel for her in the half confusion of sleep, with the happy sense that she is near, tears flow from my oppressed heart; and, bereft of all comfort, i weep over my future woes." - J.W. von Goethe

Heavens

2006-10-12T08:25:00.000-07:00

CD: Heavens - Patent Pending

A good record which i'd recommend to everyone, who's curious to know how does a rock experimental influenced Alkaline Trio sound like. Basically, Heavens is a collaboration between two friends, Matt Skiba, Alkaline Trio and Josiah Steinbrick. For more info, check them out at http://www.myspace.com/heavensband

I've been listening to Heavens a lot, and Skiba's vocals in Heavens really hit me. He just seems to sound much better when he's on his low register.

Life's still a bitch. National Service? Worse. Life with national service? Go figure.

Chapter 4

2006-10-09T07:16:00.000-07:00

Prolouge - A new Beginning
I. Every Night
II. Bleed (Reprise)
III.

IV. Misanthropic

"With my hands around your neck, who will stop me now?" - Finch

"Fall from grace, unholy night.
I've come here to kill you,
won't leave until you've died." - A7X

"I wish you would take my radio to bathe with you, plugged in and ready to fall." - Alkaline Trio

Scenes from a memory,
they were nothing but lies
Conceived once more,
by hatred and pain
An Abomination is on the loose
who's there to stop it now?
There's a crisis in the city of Sin,
not even God can help you.
How?

Brown Cow.

2006-10-05T20:51:00.000-07:00

yet another boring episode of my office boredom. all these free time and space set me to think about a lot of things, most of which concerns someone whom i really care about and the others, my current state and future well-being.

more often than not, i find myself driven by compulsion instead of will. i do not get the choices i want and sometimes even, i do not get the chance to choose, to make a decision. especially when it comes to things which you hold on to dearly, you would want that opportunity and the power of choice. i look at myself now, and i find myself more miserable than before. much more empty, and needless to say, lonely. i was used to it then, because there was no hope and no opportunity. i gave up then. but later, she walked into my life. Showed me every hope and opportunity, she brought light, hope, love and bliss to my grey days. it was the happiest time of my life, and she left. didn't exactly walked out of my life, but walked into another sanctuary of it.

Burial
i wasn't given the opportunity to prove, more like we weren't given the opportunity. we weren't given a chance and needless to say a choice. a selfish decision was made, and no one was taken into consideration except for oneself. human as i am, selfish as everyone is, i want and need the opportunity, chance and that option to choose. unfortunately, we weren't all brought up this way to be given that privilege and so i've become a victim of misfortune - deprived of choice and opportunity. i feel sorry for ourselves. given the freedom and rights in our country and family, you confine yourself to breathe in your own oxygen tank; not willing to share even though you know you can save someone while sacrificing a little bit of it. even though u know it'll be a sufferring for the victim, you consoled him that it's only for the moment and your 'afterlife' will be better for you. well, i would rather be 'alive' than living the 'afterlife'.you chose death for me, though i fought so hard like animals trying to gasp every breathe of air, struggling before death for survival. i finally gave up breathing when you begged for my death and threaten to hate me; you know i'll never want you to hate me.

Bleed (Reprise)

2006-10-02T08:05:00.000-07:00

Bleeding can cleanse the stains and relief the pain.

Did you know i try to hurt myself today?

everynight

2006-10-01T09:17:00.000-07:00

i still miss you. i think of you every night, and i'm wondering if you're thinking of me.

i was told you're happier and living better, may i ask, was i such a burden?

the only time i look forward to is rooftop sessions because only then, i'd see your face. or maybe occasionally, we'd touch on accident but i'd still be glad anyway.

little by little, we creep to our graves.

a new beginning

2006-09-09T10:49:00.000-07:00

finally, i'll be able to sleep well. all the issues are cleared. yes, and i dont know, im just really happy now.

what i've learnt and become, it doesn't matter if two are together, what matters is both love each other. it's not the puppy love but being able to free the person to fulfil her dreams. like what my parents did for me, it's something not every couple can attain. i think thats true love, being able to let go.

and so, our chapter of puppy love ended. however, we embark onto a new journey, a whole new level of love unknown to peers of our age. it'll be tough, and if it's like what they say God made u guys for each other, we'll be together when we have our accomplishments.

the day will come, and it'll be the day i want to see. and this journey shall be the most blissful time of my life.

with love, jon. to my dearest, elaine.

letters to you

2006-09-06T20:04:00.000-07:00

finch - letters to you

Can't you see
That I wanna be
There with open arms
It's empty tonight
And I'm all alone
Get me through this one

Do you notice I'm gone?
Where do you run to
So far away?

I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so
I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so

I'm writing again
These letters to you
Aren't much I know
But I'm not sleeping and
You're not here
The thought stops my heart

Do you notice I'm gone?
Where do you run to
So far away?

No more looking,
I've found home

interlude

2006-09-02T12:07:00.000-07:00

never been as ~~fucked~~, loved.

ironically, even though it's parting, i felt so much love. thank you for caring, thank you for loving me.

i'll be waiting for the day when u're ready, you're irreplaceable and that space in heart will always be reserved for you.

love

DIY

2006-08-21T08:41:00.000-07:00

Do it yourself.
I did.

Do it yourself.
Did again.

Do it yourself.
Don't ever tell me to.

National Day

2006-08-08T11:08:00.000-07:00

I see our flag rise above the sky. The crescent, the five stars, the purity and the brotherhood. Patriotism seems to run in our blood only during this time of the year.

I have waited, I am waiting and I will wait. It seems like most of us are waiting most the time. We wait for morning to come, we wait for night to fall. We wait for better things to come by, and we'll wait forever more. We waited for independence, we waited for the war to end. We waited so far, and we're waiting for the future. And soon, we realise we're waiting for nothing, we're waiting for death. The coffin is ready, we wait to be buried. Our souls will rise, we await heaven. Then, we'll wait to be reborn again.

I do not want to wait no more, I want to pursue. Soon, I will wait no more.

A Different Saturday

2006-07-29T03:49:00.000-07:00

It's a totally different Saturday. I stayed home the whole day, wondering if i should head out later. Boo is busy with school work so we're not meeting up. I dedicated my whole time to practising.

I miss her loads. As I do my runs on the keys, I see myself holding her in my arms. Every stroke my fingers land on the keys, it's like mine touching hers.

Jeremy Monterio is playing at The Bar, Regent Hotel, tonight. Might be heading there if i've got company.

I can't stop thinking about her.

The Perfect Drug

2006-07-26T07:03:00.000-07:00

Girlfriend is a drug.

Here are some of the symptoms:
When you're not in any form of contact/communication with your girl friend, you experience:
-listlessness
-boredom
-restlessness
-loss of appetite
-lonely
-scared/ insignificant
-losing interests in everything
-friendship with ciggies

Well, there are no 100% workable solutions but these might help:
-text your gf and tell her how much you miss her. if she doesn't reply/ too occupied to miss you, feel fucked up about it and sulk.
-call her. if she cant wait to put down the phone, let her and feel fucked up about it and sulk.
-ask her to call/ text you(a night earlier) when she's free, if she forgets, feel fucked up about it and sulk.

At the end of the day, if you end up sulking after trying the 3 suggested solutions, go watch porn and masturbate.

Girlfriend is drug. At the initial stage, you love it even when it's minimal. Then, you start to want more of it. And more, and more, and more. Finally, you get overdosage and you fucked up big time. But like drugs, there're some which you can't get sick of.

=) Cheers.

influx

2006-07-25T21:06:00.000-07:00

...i crept to my bed and hid myself under the blanket.
i hugged 'boo' tightly and closed my eyes.

i saw another world, of freedom and peace.
Of things I've never seen, and of my fantasies.
We were riding roller coasters with Ben & Jerry's
We even went diving to perform with my keys.
I didn't want to open my eyes.
I didn't want to come back.
But soon, the glaring sun blinded my eyes.
I cleared my vision, and 'boo' was gone.
I was so afraid that i...

She was sitting beside me, soundly asleep.
I could smell her hair from the distance, i could feel her breathe.
I held her icy smooth hands in my mine, i release a sigh of relief.
The train stopped and the operator spoke,
we'd reached our destination, it was time to go.
I looked to my right and she was gone, I searched the train and I couldn't even find a scorn.
... ...

There was silence, and I woke up to find morning.
What do you do when you woke up twice and still find yourself in a dream?

Away

2006-07-21T09:51:00.000-07:00

Day breaks
I feel the sun spots my plight
I woke up from my eternal nightmare
I put my head into the covers of the bitterhole
watching my days pass away.

take me away, oh take me away
take me away, from this wasteland

night falls
upon the city of sins
I fell into the abyss of another dream
i struggled myself to my feet
only to find god in the screen

take me away, oh take me away
take me away, again.

Anniversary

2006-07-10T08:02:00.000-07:00

In a blink of an eye, me and my boo are together for a month already. I must say, I have never been happier. :* She is such a sweetie. Anyway, it's our day today! We spent half the day together, feeling each others' presence and love. Knowing that Im interested in virtuosic music, my boo surprised me with tickets to An Evening with Allan Holdsworth, Jimmy Johnson and Chad Wackerman. Fantabulous guitarworks, fireworks-like bass and melodic drumming. It's really interesting to watch 3 really unique musicians with their own personality and alter-creativity, making music.

Thank you. Love Ya.
P/S: If you're reading this, I really like the surprise. I hope you like what I got for you. Hugs.

Orchad Jam

2006-07-04T09:21:00.000-07:00

Taking it out at the acoustic set.

On the doubles, bass (Scat) and keys.

That was Rooftop Garden, doing our set at the acoustic stage at Orchad Jam. Set list for the day:- Sweet Dreams, 1 2 1, The Scientist, Here Comes the Rain Again, Lemon Tree, Won Beau Life, Mad World, Someday We'll Know, If I ain't got you.

And some claim that we are Singapore's answer to Zero 7 and Air. You decide, catch us live again at Jurong East Library on 15 July, 4.30pm.

confessions of the numerics

2006-06-25T09:39:00.000-07:00

one is the place you have in my heart
two was the time when we try to wake up
three simple words i wanna say to you
for you, i'll even go through hell too
five minutes is too long to even wait
six seconds of countdown to everlasting faith

rest of my life i wanna spend with thee,
come what may, let us be free.

seven days in a week, it's not enough
we've got 8 precious moments to remember, i wonder how.
i'm lost again at the point of 9
let's start from one to make things fine.

one time for my love, two as a couple
three cheers for the pleasure, the fourth to reassure.
five fingers of yours wrapped around mine,
six little gestures and seven diamonds shine
rest of my life i wanna spend with thee,
come what may, let us be free.

we're back at 9, let's waste no more time.
say we love each other, ten times to complete this rhyme.

Let's Go

2006-06-20T00:43:00.000-07:00

"never fell in love, till i fell in love with you. never know what a good time was, till i have a good time with you." -Radio by Rancid

Who says Punk rock is always about angst and anarchy.

Upbeat, intense and adrenaline pumping tunes. I missed those days at the punk rock shows. They reminded me of my sec school days when i'm really into punk rock. And i realised how much i've grown since then. I still enjoy punk rock occasionally though. for those who don't know the genre well, punk rock doesn't mean Avril or Clarkson or even Electrico. Not that i have a thing with them, but i just prefer those really punk punk rock like, Rancid, NOFX, MxPx. u get me?

Anyway, met up with my boo today. We were practising with our band at my place. Maybe it's because im distracted or just not in mood to jam. I think we sounded pretty bad. Oh well, it sure make me more familiarise with the songs which we'll be doing this Sat.

See ya at the pit.

Rock D' Fort

2006-06-18T09:41:00.000-07:00

Rock D' Fort ended today. I attended the first day of the 3-day event. It's a annual event, featuring various local bands and a handful of foreign bands. Project Ultrasound was great, doing various numbers which are similar to the styles of RATM. Language is never a barrier in music, as Tiet rocked the set in Chinese rock and wow-ed the audience. Then came the lucky draw which we all think we'll never win, and I actually won a semi-acoustic guitar! How sweet.

Anyway, the weekend went well. I had another session with RTG at my place on Saturday and I'm really happy with how im doing with the keys in some of the songs. Much much much much more practice sessions are needed though.

Well, it's work again tomorrow. let's hope everything will be well. Cheers!

Overture 1006

2006-06-10T22:05:00.000-07:00

it's the day i can never forget.

I finally got the layout up on an early 15 June 06. Thought it'll be nice to have something really plain and simple so that people can actually concentrate on what it's written. I shall save the gibberish for anytime and will update on what's been going on.

2 June 06, I had my first club gig. Last AM2C gig with Helman and Scat. They have too much to handle. Well, even though we all seem alright on the surface but i can feel the subtle unwillingness for the members to leave. It's not easy to find new ones who can clique so well together.

It was 8 days after the club momo gig, love was a stranger. I stumbled upon bliss and i held on to it with dogged determination. I never want it to leave me again, ever.

5 days, i know i love you so and never gonna let you go.

C.R.A.Z.Y is a really nice french film.